Civilization Is Gone

I killed him –we murdered Simon. Jack knew it was him! That’s why he ordered the attack; he never liked Simon after he stayed in my tribe. Guilt and sadness are eating me whole, I can’t believe I killed him. Piggy says it was an accident, but I know the truth; I know what I did. I regret every little thing that I did last night at that stupid feast. The overwhelming savagery took hold of me, I was the beast’s prisoner, but I could’ve fought harder to set myself free and save my friend. Now, Simon’s gone and it’s my entire fault. I will never forgive myself, where did my civilization go? My manners, my morals, my instincts were all gone; the beast took it all and left me with only cruelty, barbarism, and savagery. I don’t even deserve to be rescued. Maybe Piggy’s right though, maybe we didn’t participate in the murder, we were outside the circle. Gosh, I don’t know. I don’t know what to think, I just hope Simon can forgive me because I know I won’t be able to forgive myself. I’m a killer.

Everyone is gone now. I’m only left with a couple of littleuns, Samneric, and Piggy. It’s actually all I can have and I appreciate their company. For a moment, I forget the importance of the signal fire; but you know what? It’s not really important anymore; it doesn’t really matter. I just wanna go home.

We don’t light the signal fire tonight, that’s why my head’s plagued with nightmares; the heat of the fire used to confort us at night. Everything that used to give me hope is gone: Simon, the signal fire, and the boys’ determination…

Jack’s tribe has just attacked us. They hurt us badly and I have no idea why; we don’t want to fight. Fighting is just another victory for the beast and we can’t make it easy for him to rule our human kingdom and our morals. I can’t lose more civilization than I already have. We soon find out why they came to attack: they stole Piggy’s glasses and at the same time our ability to make fire. What will Piggy do without his eyes?

-Ralph